Pissing In strange places

As I sit here, about to head home after 6 weeks away, I’m reflecting on two common themes from this trip: pissing in weird places and sleeping in weird places.

I have pissed:
-in a hotel room sink in Vernazza
-in Tupperware in London
-In a cashew jar in London
-on the lawn of a fancy hotel, Guerilla style, in Milan
-in a drinking glass that I periodically dumped into the grass outside my sleeping quarters in London
-in a home made tin foil funnel feeding into a kombucha bottle in the back of a four runner in a train station parking lot (attempted, but failed)

I have slept:
-on a futon in Brooklyn
-on a bed in Manchester
-on a boat floating on the Thames river
-on a sectional couch in Greenwich
-in a loft bed in Rome
-in a 300 year old stone wall apartment in Tuscany
-on a foam pad in Copenhagen
-a futon identical to mine in Germany
-in a “tool shed” in London
-on a sofa bed nest in new haven

We have experienced such amazing things on this trip, the most important and memorable being all of the relationships we formed, and the open arm welcomes we got everywhere we stayed. It was very humbling. The kindness we received is unforgettable.

Huge thanks to all of the people who made this trip possible – it was a group effort!

-Todd, for taking us to the airport
-Matt, for letting us crash at his apartment in NYC
-James, for giving us his bed and showing us the best time ever in Manchester
-Sally, for letting us couch surf in London
-Alexandra and Paolo, for taking us in like family in Tuscany
-Klaus and Viktor for showing us around Copenhagen and housing us
-Our beautiful German friends for pampering us in Wettenburg
-Sarah, for giving us her bed in Stockholm, sharing her box of wine, and giving us her bus pass
-Melissa, for the nest, the great company, and the naughty professor Tumblr page
-Prikryl, for driving us to Boston, for finding Twisted Fork, for the book, and for being all around the most delightful, genuine person ever.
-Marissa and Anthony for taking us in on our last night!
-roomies for taking care of the birdies
-Denise, for taking us home from the airport
-Stacie, for picking up and starting a placenta for me!

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I want to reuse that bag later, dickheads.

Day 21 Saturday, September 28 Breakfast in Vernazza, Gelato in Milan, Sleep in Copenhagen

This morning we had breakfast at a little cafe overlooking the sea in Vernazza. Then we saw our hot waiter from Thursday night stumble in and sit down with the hot pizza place girls who were also having breakfast at the same cafe. It was fun to see the town come to life before the tourists arrived on the late morning train.

I wanted Kris to get a picture of our hot waiter:

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Afterwards we hung out in our hotel bar until our train came. And had this beautiful latte:

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Then we hopped on a train to Milan, which was a little over a 3 hour ride. The first part of it was super beautiful because we were still riding right up the coast of Italy. In our train car with us was this so fucking annoying older couple. They shouted loudly at each other and their friend from another car came and stood in the doorway of our doorway and shouted too. Then they made some motion for me to throw away my paper pastry bag after I stuffed it in my purse. What fucking business of theirs is my trash? I want to reuse that bag later, dickheads.

Later on I said all of that to Kris and I said, “They were such pieces of shit!” and he said, “Well….they were Germans…..”

We arrived in Milan and started wandering around. It was such a bull shit city. Everything was dirty and there was tons of awful graffiti everywhere. Everyone was rude, there was tons of traffic and it just looked like any other random city. There was nothing specia about Milan.

Thankfully we did find a gelato place and it was very spectacular. After that though we just headed to the airport, hours early, but not before I guerilla peed. We were walking down a very busy street and there was a big swanky hotel with a huge lawn and lots of trees for cover. Loads of peole walked by but I’m sure they had no idea what I was doing.

We did have super delcious food in the airport though. So we went out on a good note.

Copenhagen’s aiport was easy to naviagate and we got on the subway to meet our hosts – an adorable Danish boy who stayed with us in Phoenix last year.

Here is his house:

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Yeah, I know who fucking painted The Last Supper

Day 20 Friday September 27 Vernazza

Vernazza is one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen in my entire life. I am so glad we came here.

This morning we were up early, which was nice because we got to have breakfast in peace before the hordes of tourists came in on the train.

The day was really just eating, coffee, gelato, siesta, pizza, more gelato, pizza, croissant, more gelato, pizza, you get the idea.

We did a lot of awesome people watching, too. Making comments like:

Kris: Look at those gay guys with that chihuahua.
Katie: They look so rough are you stew they’re gay?
Kris: They’re rolling with a fucking chihuahua. C’mon.

Kris: That girl was kinda hot.
Katie: Her friend was frumperific.
Kris: She had a cute face though.
Katie: I didn’t see her face. Just her high waist line.

Katie: Look at that gut chewing on his hoodie strings. He looks like a fucking crack head.

Katie: Are you tired of me? Do you wanna ditch me?
Kris: Why do you confound me with your retarded thoughts?

Kris: Wanna go?
Katie: No, I’m not quite ready yet.
(several minutes later) Kris: I would just like you to be aware that I’m incredibly fucking thirsty.

Katie: C’mere, kitty. Look over here! Do you think this cat’s gonna look at me?
Kris: No. It’s not. It’s a cat. It’s gonna do whatever the fuck it wants.

At one point we hiked a little ways up one of the trails so we could take some pictures:

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We also hiked up to the top of this castle, which had even more spectacular views.

And walked through a little cave to get another part of the beach, which was covered with the most beautiful rocks.

When we were up in our room later I asked Kris, “So, what’s there to do in Milan tomorrow?” He said, “Well – you can reserve a 15 minute spot to see The Last Supper. That’s painted by Leonardo Da Vinci.” Katie, “Yeah, I know who fucking painted The Last Supper.” Kris, “Well I don’t know! Sometimes you don’t know shit!”

Brilliant Ass Washing Machine

Day 19 Thursday, September 26 Tuscany & Vernazza

This morning Kris said, “It sucks I’m on a night time poop schedule.” I said, “I’m mostly in the morning, but later morning, so kinda back to normal. But it’s no poop alarm clock, that’s for sure.”

Alexandra drove us to catch our bus to Grosetto. We had a very sweet goodbye.

We stumbled into a fucking fantastic place in Grosetto where we had two perfect lattes, two croissants and two sandwiches – one was a croissant with salami and cheese, the other was focaccia bread with cream cheese, arugala and prosciutto. Both were fucking to die for. We hit the grocery store for train snacks and then set off for Vernazza. These were taken from the train:

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After a two hour ride we got off and were in the fucking land of retard tourists. It was literally an elbow to elbow sea of retards getting off the train. For a second I was like….ohmygod – am I in Honolulu again? Is this going to be so not worth it?

But, thank fuck, it totally was. Vernazza’s amazingness way makes up for the load of idiots that are constantly roaming the streets.

Our hotel was super adorable – the Pensione Sorriso. Bed was super comfy and the shared bathroom was totally cute and clean and we never had to wait. Plus, we had a sink in our room so we both mostly peed in the sink, reserving the community bathroom for pooping and showers.

View from our room, and a little outdoor shower on the deck:

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We immediately set out for gelato, which was easy to find as there is basically only one street to the town. There were 3 gelato spots in town and we tried them all that afternoon and then just lounged by the water.

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We hiked up the hill and had dinner on a cliff side over looking the water. Our waiter was so fucking hot. He put his hand on my shoulder. My left shoulder. He squeezed it.

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Kris pooped after we got home and I asked him, “Did you wash your ass in that awesome bidet?” Kris: Well of course I did! Why would I waste an opportunity with a brilliant ass washing machine?