Pissing In strange places

As I sit here, about to head home after 6 weeks away, I’m reflecting on two common themes from this trip: pissing in weird places and sleeping in weird places.

I have pissed:
-in a hotel room sink in Vernazza
-in Tupperware in London
-In a cashew jar in London
-on the lawn of a fancy hotel, Guerilla style, in Milan
-in a drinking glass that I periodically dumped into the grass outside my sleeping quarters in London
-in a home made tin foil funnel feeding into a kombucha bottle in the back of a four runner in a train station parking lot (attempted, but failed)

I have slept:
-on a futon in Brooklyn
-on a bed in Manchester
-on a boat floating on the Thames river
-on a sectional couch in Greenwich
-in a loft bed in Rome
-in a 300 year old stone wall apartment in Tuscany
-on a foam pad in Copenhagen
-a futon identical to mine in Germany
-in a “tool shed” in London
-on a sofa bed nest in new haven

We have experienced such amazing things on this trip, the most important and memorable being all of the relationships we formed, and the open arm welcomes we got everywhere we stayed. It was very humbling. The kindness we received is unforgettable.

Huge thanks to all of the people who made this trip possible – it was a group effort!

-Todd, for taking us to the airport
-Matt, for letting us crash at his apartment in NYC
-James, for giving us his bed and showing us the best time ever in Manchester
-Sally, for letting us couch surf in London
-Alexandra and Paolo, for taking us in like family in Tuscany
-Klaus and Viktor for showing us around Copenhagen and housing us
-Our beautiful German friends for pampering us in Wettenburg
-Sarah, for giving us her bed in Stockholm, sharing her box of wine, and giving us her bus pass
-Melissa, for the nest, the great company, and the naughty professor Tumblr page
-Prikryl, for driving us to Boston, for finding Twisted Fork, for the book, and for being all around the most delightful, genuine person ever.
-Marissa and Anthony for taking us in on our last night!
-roomies for taking care of the birdies
-Denise, for taking us home from the airport
-Stacie, for picking up and starting a placenta for me!

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Breakfast in London, Dinner in Dublin

Day 32 Wednesday October 9th London & Dublin

This morning we walked through Greenwich Park and had lunch at a lovely french cafe before flying to Dublin:

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Our airbnb hosts in Dublin were fantastic- they are super into natural health and healing and we had a lot to talk about.

That night we had dinner at a totally classic Dublin pub. It was dark lit by candles and fireplaces, there was a beautiful wood bar, big chandeliers, it was way cool. The food was fantastic: Guinness pie and seafood chowder. And Kris had a house brewed beer:

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My boo can’t go out without a smooth ballsack

Day 31 Tuesday October 8th London

Today I felt good enough to get off the couch which I did because I wasn’t about to spend another day in London inside the house.

We walked to the other side of Greenwich Park and had breakfast at this super cute place called The Green Cafe. I had the best bowl of porridge I’ve ever had in my life.

Then we went home so that Kris could trim his ballsack and generally groom himself.

Once the smooth sack was attained we hopped on a bus and went into central London. We wandered around for a while and then went down this teeny tiny street and then turned down this alley way where a really cute looking pub was. I had another super tasty meal. It was a Yorkshire pudding filled with grilled veggies and cheese topped with bernaise sauce.

After dinner we walked along the Thames all the way up to Westminster Abbey and took some really fun picutres along the way:

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(Greenwich Park)

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(London Eye)

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(Westminster Abbey & Big Ben)

We decided to take a boat back home instead of the bus and that was really awesome!

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(Tower Bridge, as seen from the boat ride)

I Pissed in Their Drinking Glass

Day 29 & 30 Sunday & Monday, October 6th & 7th London

This morning we left the weird hostel place ASAP. It totally smelled like piss right outside our “cabin” door because we had been peeing in a drinking glass and dumping it in the grass outside our door all night long. Ha! There was no fucking way we were going to put on clothes, trek out into the cold across the backyard and tip toe into the house to use their tiny gross bathroom every time we had to piss.

We headed to Bill’s – the host we had stayed at in London at the beginning of our trip. I was feeling a little under the weather, but not wanting to admit it.

We dropped our things at Bill’s, had lunch and got ourselves settled.

Then we decided to see a movie, since I wasn’t feeling so great, but we still wanted to get out and do something. I’m so glad we did!

The walk to the movie theater was just gorgeous – basically all through Greenwich Park, which popped us out into an area that we hadn’t yet explored. The movie theater was an independent “picture house” so it was super cute. And the chairs were like giant recliners – way more comfortable than regular movie seats. We saw “Rush” and I actually really liked it!

Afterwards we walked around downtown Greenwich and it is just a classic cute little London neighborhood. It’s also right along the water. We ended up eatign dinner at Bryon Proper Hamburger. I had a portobello muchroom burger and it was one of the best thigns I have ever put in my mouth. I love how, no matter where you go to eat, if you order tea – it is served properly. Even at a burger joint. Tea cup, saucer, lovely tea pot, etc.

Bill actually had airbnb guests that night, but was nice enough to let us “couch surf” on his comfy sectional sofa in the living room

Day 30

Ugh. Today I woke up and was so sick I couldn’t get off the couch. My boyfriend took care of me all day. We stayed inside the house all day and I drank tea and soup and slept and that all I could manage. Bleh.

Breakfast in London, Dinner in Rome

Day 13 Friday, September 20th London & Rome

This morning we had a lovely walk along the river on our way to the tube station. We had some trouble finding the station – it’s always my instinct to ask people, but Kris is so tethered to his phone. But whatdoyaknow! Asking an actual human is faster 🙂 A nice guy sitting on his front stoop pointed us in the right direction.

I don’t if it was because it was early and we were delirious or what, but everything was crackgin us up. A little girl and her parents walked by us. I said, “Ohmygawd that little girl was so cute” and Kris giggled and said, “That little girl grabbed that guys cock” (an accident, as she was reaching for his hand). We laughed about that for minutes.

We walked across Tower Bridge, which was super fun and scenic, and made our way to The Kitchen. We sat outside and this adorable German kid was our server. He had the cutest gay German accent ever. Loved him. Kris had the full English breakfast and I ordered toast with peanut butter. They brought me a pile of a toast and a giant jar of peanut butter. Ha!

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I said: Are you gonna poop here? Because, I mean, you’re going to have to poop in public at some point today, right?
Kris: Yeah. I’ve been thinking about that for a while. That at some point today, I’d be walking around with a dirty asshole. It’s not the pooping in public per se, it’s the dirty butt part that I hate.
Katie: Dude. I’ve been wearing the same underwear for two days. It’s like I have a grilled swiss cheese sandwich between my legs. A dirty vag is way worse than a dirty butthole.

Then we hopped on a train to the airport and flew to Rome. The sandwiches we had bought to take on the plane were so delicious. I had a baguette with caramelized sweet onions and thick “mature” cheddar that I would eat every single day. So yummy.

Katie: Fuck. I can’t wait to take a shower.
Kris: I can’t wait to wash my ass.
Katie: I can’t wait to wash my everything
Kris: You better make sure to get that mouse trap in your pants.

A few minutes later I said: “You know what would’ve been funny? Instead of “mouse trap?” Fondue pot.
Kris: Ahahaha. Gross.
Katie: Cuz then I could’ve asked you if you wanted to dip your stick in my fondue pot.

We hopped on a bus from the Rome Airport to the center of town and walked over to our airbnb host’s house from there.

He was a super sweet Italian guy – showered us the room, gave us the keys and we never saw him again so it was like having the whole place to ourselves. The room was spotless and had everything we could’ve needed. It had an awesome loft bed that was very comfy. The bathroom looked like a little space ship – small, but super modern, efficient and clean. We freshened up and then started our epic walk to this pizza place Kris had seen Anthony Bourdain rave about: Pizzarium.

It was worth the walk. The pizza was amazeballs and everyone that worked there was so fucking nice. They had such interesting combinations like pine nuts and caramelized peppers, or potatoes, cheese and melted butter. Super yum.

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We started our epic walk back home and I barely made it. We walked over 5 miles. I don’t think I’ve ever done that in my life. I am officially obsessed with food.

A Secret Garden

Day 12 Thursday, September 19th London

Went back to Black Vanilla today for more euphoria via their gelato. I took these adorable pictures of my boyfriend as he was sitting in the window people watching

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and this one, while we were walking to the VodaPhone store

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We left Bill’s and went to meet our couch surfing host, Sally, who lives on a boat. Look how cute her boat is!

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She had little vignettes like this in every nook and cranny

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This is our sleeping nest

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We walked through an absolutely beautiful park that had a little secret garden in the middle

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And then we had dinner at The Yellow House. Everything is freshly made in house. Kris’ pizza was insane and our dessert was so delicious – fudgy brownie with home made white chocolate ice cream on top.

Afterwards we went back and hung out on the boat with Sally and her neighbor, Dave. Dave was awesome. He totally “got” us. He used to work for Exon and made tons of money and traveled the world, but soon realized that he was just another robot, totally expendable and meaningless. He quit, bought a boat, went back to school and did lots of traveling. He has a house in Brighton and invited us there on our way back through England.

It was such a fun scene on the boat – crammed in this tiny space, drinking wine, listening to Billie Holiday on the record player, talking about world travels and the meaning of life.

He’s got garlic up his ass!

Day 11 – Wednesday, September 18 – London

Today was super lazy. We explored the neighborhood where we are staying, Greenwich, and then walked over to another neighborhood, Blackheath, and the best gelato ever at a little place called Black Vanilla. It was seriously amazing. And we had a pastry that was a layer of shortbread, then caramel, then chocolate.

We played frisbee for a bit and then went to the produce stand and got some stuff to make risotto for dinner and rice pudding for dessert.

Our host didn’t get back until later in the evening, and when he did he was super tipsy and hilarious. He rides his bike everywhere and he’s very serious about it. He came in the house with a giant helmet on, bike shorts and a proper bike shirt.

He was chatting away to us in the kitchen and at one point he farted, but it happened so fast I thought to myself….wait a minute – did he just fart? And then he said “Oh, don’t mind the fart, it’s just a beer fart.” and I said “Oh, that’s nothing. He’s (Kris) got garlic up his ass”. Kris started laughing and said, “Tell him why I’ve got the garlic up there! You can’t just leave it at that!”

At one point Kris and I were muttering to each other planning our route for the next day and Bill said, “Thank fuck you call it the tube. So many people call it the Metro and I just wanna smack ’em”

He asked what we were doing in the coming days and I said that Friday we’d just go somewhere cute for breakfast and then head up to the airport. He said, “Wait, wait – back up a little – did you say ‘go somewhere cute for breakfast’?” He thought that was the funniest thing ever. He said, “I’m going to go up to the first person I see tomorrow and say – hey! Do you wanna go somewhere cute for breakfast? Who could say no to that?”

Then he had to find something he says that i might think was funny and repeat. He said “I’ve said this before, but it bears repeating” That was his “saying”. And I do think it’s funny and I will use it.