I want to reuse that bag later, dickheads.

Day 21 Saturday, September 28 Breakfast in Vernazza, Gelato in Milan, Sleep in Copenhagen

This morning we had breakfast at a little cafe overlooking the sea in Vernazza. Then we saw our hot waiter from Thursday night stumble in and sit down with the hot pizza place girls who were also having breakfast at the same cafe. It was fun to see the town come to life before the tourists arrived on the late morning train.

I wanted Kris to get a picture of our hot waiter:

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Afterwards we hung out in our hotel bar until our train came. And had this beautiful latte:

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Then we hopped on a train to Milan, which was a little over a 3 hour ride. The first part of it was super beautiful because we were still riding right up the coast of Italy. In our train car with us was this so fucking annoying older couple. They shouted loudly at each other and their friend from another car came and stood in the doorway of our doorway and shouted too. Then they made some motion for me to throw away my paper pastry bag after I stuffed it in my purse. What fucking business of theirs is my trash? I want to reuse that bag later, dickheads.

Later on I said all of that to Kris and I said, “They were such pieces of shit!” and he said, “Well….they were Germans…..”

We arrived in Milan and started wandering around. It was such a bull shit city. Everything was dirty and there was tons of awful graffiti everywhere. Everyone was rude, there was tons of traffic and it just looked like any other random city. There was nothing specia about Milan.

Thankfully we did find a gelato place and it was very spectacular. After that though we just headed to the airport, hours early, but not before I guerilla peed. We were walking down a very busy street and there was a big swanky hotel with a huge lawn and lots of trees for cover. Loads of peole walked by but I’m sure they had no idea what I was doing.

We did have super delcious food in the airport though. So we went out on a good note.

Copenhagen’s aiport was easy to naviagate and we got on the subway to meet our hosts – an adorable Danish boy who stayed with us in Phoenix last year.

Here is his house:

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Brilliant Ass Washing Machine

Day 19 Thursday, September 26 Tuscany & Vernazza

This morning Kris said, “It sucks I’m on a night time poop schedule.” I said, “I’m mostly in the morning, but later morning, so kinda back to normal. But it’s no poop alarm clock, that’s for sure.”

Alexandra drove us to catch our bus to Grosetto. We had a very sweet goodbye.

We stumbled into a fucking fantastic place in Grosetto where we had two perfect lattes, two croissants and two sandwiches – one was a croissant with salami and cheese, the other was focaccia bread with cream cheese, arugala and prosciutto. Both were fucking to die for. We hit the grocery store for train snacks and then set off for Vernazza. These were taken from the train:

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After a two hour ride we got off and were in the fucking land of retard tourists. It was literally an elbow to elbow sea of retards getting off the train. For a second I was like….ohmygod – am I in Honolulu again? Is this going to be so not worth it?

But, thank fuck, it totally was. Vernazza’s amazingness way makes up for the load of idiots that are constantly roaming the streets.

Our hotel was super adorable – the Pensione Sorriso. Bed was super comfy and the shared bathroom was totally cute and clean and we never had to wait. Plus, we had a sink in our room so we both mostly peed in the sink, reserving the community bathroom for pooping and showers.

View from our room, and a little outdoor shower on the deck:

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We immediately set out for gelato, which was easy to find as there is basically only one street to the town. There were 3 gelato spots in town and we tried them all that afternoon and then just lounged by the water.

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We hiked up the hill and had dinner on a cliff side over looking the water. Our waiter was so fucking hot. He put his hand on my shoulder. My left shoulder. He squeezed it.

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Kris pooped after we got home and I asked him, “Did you wash your ass in that awesome bidet?” Kris: Well of course I did! Why would I waste an opportunity with a brilliant ass washing machine?

He’s got garlic up his ass!

Day 11 – Wednesday, September 18 – London

Today was super lazy. We explored the neighborhood where we are staying, Greenwich, and then walked over to another neighborhood, Blackheath, and the best gelato ever at a little place called Black Vanilla. It was seriously amazing. And we had a pastry that was a layer of shortbread, then caramel, then chocolate.

We played frisbee for a bit and then went to the produce stand and got some stuff to make risotto for dinner and rice pudding for dessert.

Our host didn’t get back until later in the evening, and when he did he was super tipsy and hilarious. He rides his bike everywhere and he’s very serious about it. He came in the house with a giant helmet on, bike shorts and a proper bike shirt.

He was chatting away to us in the kitchen and at one point he farted, but it happened so fast I thought to myself….wait a minute – did he just fart? And then he said “Oh, don’t mind the fart, it’s just a beer fart.” and I said “Oh, that’s nothing. He’s (Kris) got garlic up his ass”. Kris started laughing and said, “Tell him why I’ve got the garlic up there! You can’t just leave it at that!”

At one point Kris and I were muttering to each other planning our route for the next day and Bill said, “Thank fuck you call it the tube. So many people call it the Metro and I just wanna smack ’em”

He asked what we were doing in the coming days and I said that Friday we’d just go somewhere cute for breakfast and then head up to the airport. He said, “Wait, wait – back up a little – did you say ‘go somewhere cute for breakfast’?” He thought that was the funniest thing ever. He said, “I’m going to go up to the first person I see tomorrow and say – hey! Do you wanna go somewhere cute for breakfast? Who could say no to that?”

Then he had to find something he says that i might think was funny and repeat. He said “I’ve said this before, but it bears repeating” That was his “saying”. And I do think it’s funny and I will use it.