Stop playing with your fucking unibrow. You look like an asshole.

Day 33 Thursday October 10 (and the following week)

Today we flew from Dublin to New York, took a train to Grand Central Station, had dinner in NYC at our favorite buffet and took a train to New Haven to stay with a friend, Melissa, we had never actually met in person. And that was the beginning of a most unexpectedly delightful week. Melissa and I “met” when I rented her apartment in Brooklyn for a vacation in 2005. Some years later we ended up Facebook friends and then I got the urge to stop in new haven on our way back to Arizona. She was totally down with that, so here we are!

Melissa has a super cute renovated house in New Haven. She made up her sofa bed with shit tons of pillows and blankets so we slept in this great nest all week. And the whole week was just – coffee, breakfast and conversation in the morning, relaxing days, and cooking + wine + more conversation at dinner and late into the night.

To top it all off, our fantastic friend Sarah is temporarily living in New Haven and we got to spend all kinds of time with her.

Highlights of New Haven:

-a day trip to New York City
-Cinnamon roll french toast at the pantry
-The garlic festival
-Sarah giving me a copy of The Holographic Universe
-Walking around the Yale campus
-pizza at Frank Pepes
-Harold the dog
-galavanting around Boston with Sarah
-Leaning against Paul Reveres house talking about catheters and dick cheese
-Brunching in Worcester talking about low hanging ballsacks dipped in poop.

While siting at Frank Pepes I asked Kris to go find out where the bathroom was because I hate aimlessly wandering looking for the toilet. He said, “Why? Why? Why? But why? You’re a grown ass woman.”

I burped at lunch and Kris said, “That was HIGHLY inappropriate. Those people looked over at you.”

Katie: why did you have to grab, like, my one white t shirt to use as a cum rag? I have a shit ton of black ones. You need to wash this skank cum shirt right away.
Kris: It’s not as skank as the dirty ass underwear.
Katie: You mean your pair of underwear that I’ve been wearing for two days?
Kris: No. I mean my underwear that I have t changed since we arrived in Connecticut.

“Stop playing with your fucking unibrow. You look like an asshole.”

Katie: (sings Whitney Houston)
Kris: Oh my god. Stop singing that song. Stop. Just stop it.
Katie: If you keep me talking I won’t sing. Talk to me. Ask me anything, anything at all.

Looking at a Tumblr porn page:
Katie: That’s a nice dick.
Kris: that’s a big fucking circumcised piece of shit. That’s not a nice dick. At all.

Katie: You skip around a lot when you’re walking.
Kris: I just like to stay on my toes.
Katie: I’m gonna call you skipper.
Kris: great. Call me skipper. Skipper Cheese Dick.

Sarah’s “I didn’t realize a Carmel Apple latte had coffee in it” face

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Brunch at The Pantry

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Street theater in new haven

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Pizza at frank pepes

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Autumn in Connecticut

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He’s got garlic up his ass!

Day 11 – Wednesday, September 18 – London

Today was super lazy. We explored the neighborhood where we are staying, Greenwich, and then walked over to another neighborhood, Blackheath, and the best gelato ever at a little place called Black Vanilla. It was seriously amazing. And we had a pastry that was a layer of shortbread, then caramel, then chocolate.

We played frisbee for a bit and then went to the produce stand and got some stuff to make risotto for dinner and rice pudding for dessert.

Our host didn’t get back until later in the evening, and when he did he was super tipsy and hilarious. He rides his bike everywhere and he’s very serious about it. He came in the house with a giant helmet on, bike shorts and a proper bike shirt.

He was chatting away to us in the kitchen and at one point he farted, but it happened so fast I thought to myself….wait a minute – did he just fart? And then he said “Oh, don’t mind the fart, it’s just a beer fart.” and I said “Oh, that’s nothing. He’s (Kris) got garlic up his ass”. Kris started laughing and said, “Tell him why I’ve got the garlic up there! You can’t just leave it at that!”

At one point Kris and I were muttering to each other planning our route for the next day and Bill said, “Thank fuck you call it the tube. So many people call it the Metro and I just wanna smack ’em”

He asked what we were doing in the coming days and I said that Friday we’d just go somewhere cute for breakfast and then head up to the airport. He said, “Wait, wait – back up a little – did you say ‘go somewhere cute for breakfast’?” He thought that was the funniest thing ever. He said, “I’m going to go up to the first person I see tomorrow and say – hey! Do you wanna go somewhere cute for breakfast? Who could say no to that?”

Then he had to find something he says that i might think was funny and repeat. He said “I’ve said this before, but it bears repeating” That was his “saying”. And I do think it’s funny and I will use it.