Much to our dismay we discovered that our air mattress leaks like a loose asshole. This sucks balls and Kris and I have not slept very well. Outside of the tent is antville, but Danielle slept out there anyway to be under the beautiful full moon. She claims the ants do go to sleep. She busts in the tent in the morning though, announcing that the ants have woken up. I roll over and lay on her sleeping bag pad – “This mat is luxurious.”
Kris: You look like a 5 year old with your hair all….disheveled.
Danielle: And look at your tired little Chinese eyes.
After we collect ourselves and eat, we set off to do the Angels Landing hike, which Kris says will be life changing. It’s a short shuttle ride and a beautiful walk. The hike started out easy – we walked along the river and then started winding up the mountain on long curvy paths that gradually ascend. Eventually we got to the back side of the mountain and it was really beautiful. Super shady and like we were in the forest instead of the desert. We stop to squat and pee because Kris says it’s about to get super narrow and we’ll have no privacy.
The path starts getting steeper and then we get to the switchbacks. The fucking switchbacks. Ick.
Then we get to the narrow scary part of the hike where there are big signs informing you of the recent fatalities. It’s like nothing I have ever seen before. I am afraid of heights, so this is big for me. Kris says if I make it to the top he will think I’m so bad ass and sexy. This is good motivation. It’s seriously a fucking crazy hike. You are literally walking up the side of a cliff on a very fucking narrow path that is for two way traffic, which makes it even crazier. There are steel poles and chains that you can hold on to and pull yourself up with. I can’t even describe it. Fucking nuts.
Once you’re at the top though, it’s pretty fucking amazing. Kris got up way before Danielle and I did. Then we congregated with some other people in the shady part of the top of the cliff and rested before we trucked back down.
We were beat to shit after that hike and it was so hot out. We started early so thankfully the most difficult part of the hike was in the beginning when it was still cool out. As were coming down we were passing people who were just starting the hike….crazy fuckers. Danielle and I wanted to get naked and be in water.
Kris: There’s a fuckin’ river. You could nude up.
Danielle: Canoed up? Are there canoes?
We cut across a field and Danielle and I ran out to the water and took off all our clothes. It was so refreshing to sit in ice cold water after being so hot like that.
We got ice cream at the general store on our way back. We were walking with it and just licking the scoops with our tongues. We got back to camp and Kris in his red neck voice said, “You both got ass cream on ya faces.”
We were eating greek yogurt and raw honey and there was a bee all up on our honey.
Danielle: Maybe he’s taking some honey back to his queen.
Kris: Bees don’t take honey, they make honey.
Danielle: Well maybe he’s taking some already made to his queen. Maybe they crochet buckets and carry shit around. You don’t know.
Then Kris comments that the kids in the camp sound like “Horkin pigs and screechin bastards”.
I went into the tent to grab something and had to kill some ants. I exclaimed, “I’ve committed a murder in here.”
Danielle: Did Kris ever get his blood work back?
Katie: What? Yogurt?
Danielle: Huh? Yogurt? No, blood work.
We were all just dead tired and laying around the camp site. It was rocky on the ground so Danielle and I were laying across the picnic table benches. Kris wanted to lay too so I moved to the top of the picnic table. Danielle said, “Sometimes I think about walking.” I lifted my head up to look at her. She laughed and said I had chip crumbs all smashed to my face. It was time to leave the camp site. We wandered down to the water and it was much better being lazy around there.
Kris: Did you see that chick? She was boobalicious.
Katie: What? Ebola?
Danielle: Huh? Hooters? Wait – what the hell is ebola? Did you mean e-coli?
Katie: No. I meant ebola.
Danielle: Well I’ve never heard of it.
Kris: I said ‘boobalicious’. And ebola is a virus.
Danielle: Ebola…..Who does it?
Kris: What do you mean ‘Who does it?’ It’s a fuckin virus. It eats your skin.
Later Danielle had an epiphany: “Long ago people used to think that weather was because they did something wrong. Like it was the universe showing them. So that’s why kids and animals are afraid of thunder. Because it sounds like God is gonna beat the shit outta you. “
Then the moon came out and it was super bright. Danielle and I were in shallow water with amazing feeling sand that we rubbed all over ourselves. We had a deep conversation about where sand comes from.
Kris and I discovered that if we don’t connect every day (sex, a meditation, a really good cuddle session) that everything goes to shit. This was a really important lesson, yet so simple. Most of the time it happens naturally, but it is so worth making the time for.