Stop playing with your fucking unibrow. You look like an asshole.

Day 33 Thursday October 10 (and the following week)

Today we flew from Dublin to New York, took a train to Grand Central Station, had dinner in NYC at our favorite buffet and took a train to New Haven to stay with a friend, Melissa, we had never actually met in person. And that was the beginning of a most unexpectedly delightful week. Melissa and I “met” when I rented her apartment in Brooklyn for a vacation in 2005. Some years later we ended up Facebook friends and then I got the urge to stop in new haven on our way back to Arizona. She was totally down with that, so here we are!

Melissa has a super cute renovated house in New Haven. She made up her sofa bed with shit tons of pillows and blankets so we slept in this great nest all week. And the whole week was just – coffee, breakfast and conversation in the morning, relaxing days, and cooking + wine + more conversation at dinner and late into the night.

To top it all off, our fantastic friend Sarah is temporarily living in New Haven and we got to spend all kinds of time with her.

Highlights of New Haven:

-a day trip to New York City
-Cinnamon roll french toast at the pantry
-The garlic festival
-Sarah giving me a copy of The Holographic Universe
-Walking around the Yale campus
-pizza at Frank Pepes
-Harold the dog
-galavanting around Boston with Sarah
-Leaning against Paul Reveres house talking about catheters and dick cheese
-Brunching in Worcester talking about low hanging ballsacks dipped in poop.

While siting at Frank Pepes I asked Kris to go find out where the bathroom was because I hate aimlessly wandering looking for the toilet. He said, “Why? Why? Why? But why? You’re a grown ass woman.”

I burped at lunch and Kris said, “That was HIGHLY inappropriate. Those people looked over at you.”

Katie: why did you have to grab, like, my one white t shirt to use as a cum rag? I have a shit ton of black ones. You need to wash this skank cum shirt right away.
Kris: It’s not as skank as the dirty ass underwear.
Katie: You mean your pair of underwear that I’ve been wearing for two days?
Kris: No. I mean my underwear that I have t changed since we arrived in Connecticut.

“Stop playing with your fucking unibrow. You look like an asshole.”

Katie: (sings Whitney Houston)
Kris: Oh my god. Stop singing that song. Stop. Just stop it.
Katie: If you keep me talking I won’t sing. Talk to me. Ask me anything, anything at all.

Looking at a Tumblr porn page:
Katie: That’s a nice dick.
Kris: that’s a big fucking circumcised piece of shit. That’s not a nice dick. At all.

Katie: You skip around a lot when you’re walking.
Kris: I just like to stay on my toes.
Katie: I’m gonna call you skipper.
Kris: great. Call me skipper. Skipper Cheese Dick.

Sarah’s “I didn’t realize a Carmel Apple latte had coffee in it” face


Brunch at The Pantry


Street theater in new haven


Pizza at frank pepes


Autumn in Connecticut



I’m going to shit on your face while you sleep

Day 26 Thursday, October 3rd Germany

Our timing in Germany couldn’t have been been more perfect as we were there over a 4 day holiday weekend so our hosts were free to just play around with us.

This morning we came downtstairs to another beautifully set table and yummy breakfast with the family.

Afterwards we headed to Marburg – a super duper old traditional looking German village. It was one of the coolest thing ever. It didn’t even look real.






We said some pretty offensive things to each other as we were walking around:

Kris: I’m gonna wait til your sleeping and then piss up your nose.
Katie: I’m going to eat your balls for dinner. Or mayb I’m going to rip off your testicles, reeze them, and use them as ice cubes. Or maybe I’ll make an eye patch out of them.
Kris: Oh yeah? Well I’m going to shit on your face while you sleep.

We ate lunch at this super delicious tapas restaurant with the cutest table settings:


And the funnieest signs for the bathrooms:



We continued walking through town, wihich lead you waaaaaay uphill to this beautiful church at the top:



As were walking back down we saw some funny German penis chalk drawings:


We stopped at their friends house at one point and they had restored the most amazing home and had a large garden:







That night we stayed up again after the girls went to bed. The guys were talking cars and looking up how to import into the U.S. The girls were talking birth, hobbies and motherhood. This woman was one of the sweetest mothers ever. She was saying how dad loves putting the kids to bed and even doesn’t mind when one of the girls comes into their bed at night, but she doesn’t like it. I said, “Well….maybe it’s because he’s at work all day and doesn’t see them, so that time is special to him in a way that’s not for you because you’re with them all day every day so by the time they go to bed you’re touched out and need your own space.” She was like, “Oh. Yeah. Yes. Exactly.” I think it’s funny how just understanding someone else’s perspective can go such a long way in your perception of their actions.

She said that she gave birth in a hospital, but in German hospitals it’s almost always with a midwife. You never see a doctor unless you’d need to. And they didn’t push any interventions on her or have plans to induce her or anything like that. Dad remembers looking at her placenta and taking pictures of it and everything. And of course, Kris’ penis came up and they can’t believe that people circumcise in America. They were so fun to talk to. Just real, genuine, warm, loving people.