Cowboy, D-Train and K-Bot: Day 4 – Monday August 15th

This morning was Kris’ birthday. We had a bichin snuggle sesh and then I got up and made bacon and eggs. Unfortunately the bees fucking LOVE our maple bacon. So I had my breakfast in a dish and ate it standing up flapping the bees away. Kris said, “How ya eatin when you’re flappin like that? C’mon, sit down.” And I said, “Fuck you. I’ll flap if I want to.” Soon after we packed up and hit the road for Bryce, a two hour drive.

Danielle: I had this epiphany – there’s no fuckin smells in the city ‘cept shit.

Katie: I’m full of bacon and carbonated water.

Kris: Oh yeah. I wanna fuck the bacon right outta ya. Have maple flavored sex.

Danielle: Dude. The Mormon weirdness around here…..I can’t get over it.

Kris: Well….we are in Utah.

Daniele: Oh yeah. I fuckin forgot we’re in Utah…totally spaced that out.

The drive to Bryce flew by. We didn’t have camping reservations, but there was plenty of open spots. We spent time cruising both campgrounds until we found the perfect spot: close to the bathrooms, neighbors that weren’t on top of us, and close to a place to wash dishes. After we got settled we went to get ice at the general store and walked around back to check out the gold coin operated showers. Kris had checked out the coin machine so I asked, “Did ya check out the coin machine? How as it? What did it look like?” Kris: “It looked like a fuckin coin machine.”

We went back to camp and had some lunch, hopped on the free shuttle and walked along the rim of the canyon. Kris was making strange noises so I looked back and asked, “Are you ok?” He said, “I just had to adjust my strap on my camelbak. It was too tight on my breath box.”

After the rim we went to walk to the waterfall and the mossy cave. I had to pee, but the bathroom over there was a black hole. I don’t pee or poo or sit on for any reason receptacles where I can’t see the bottom. I’d rather go outside. As I walked back down Kris exclaimed, “I wana call you two d-train and k-bot” And so he did.

Crazy unwashed (for days) strait out of a pony tail hair

Sun rays by the waterfall

Mid cackle. I can't believe my face can naturally look like this.

 

Bryce was seriously fucking cold – way different than Zion. We bundled up and put the propane heater in our tent. Danielle said “I am SO into my pants.” And later said, “I am not into problems.”

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Tired Little Chinese Eyes and Nudeing Up in the River: Day 2: Saturday August 13th

Much to our dismay we discovered that our air mattress leaks like a loose asshole. This sucks balls and Kris and I have not slept very well. Outside of the tent is antville, but Danielle slept out there anyway to be under the beautiful full moon. She claims the ants do go to sleep. She busts in the tent in the morning though, announcing that the ants have woken up. I roll over and lay on her sleeping bag pad – “This mat is luxurious.”

Kris: You look like a 5 year old with your hair all….disheveled.

Danielle: And look at your tired little Chinese eyes.

Tired little chinese eyes.....

Morning cuddles

After we collect ourselves and eat, we set off to do the Angels Landing hike, which Kris says will be life changing. It’s a short shuttle ride and a beautiful walk. The hike started out easy – we walked along the river and then started winding up the mountain on long curvy paths that gradually ascend. Eventually we got to the back side of the mountain and it was really beautiful. Super shady and like we were in the forest instead of the desert. We stop to squat and pee because Kris says it’s about to get super narrow and we’ll have no privacy.

Angel's Landing - we hiked to the top of that peak. 1400 feet.

Our super cool hole on the backside of Angel's Landing

A bit excited about our hole....

Crazy lady takin pics from the edge...

 

The path starts getting steeper and then we get to the switchbacks. The fucking switchbacks. Ick.

Switchbacks

Then we get to the narrow scary part of the hike where there are big signs informing you of the recent fatalities. It’s like nothing I have ever seen before. I am afraid of heights, so this is big for me. Kris says if I make it to the top he will think I’m so bad ass and sexy. This is good motivation. It’s seriously a fucking crazy hike. You are literally walking up the side of a cliff on a very fucking narrow path that is for two way traffic, which makes it even crazier. There are steel poles and chains that you can hold on to and pull yourself up with. I can’t even describe it. Fucking nuts.

We fed him. Don't tell.

 

A nice warning

A perspective shot....taking a break before continuing up the scary ridge.....

Looking down from one of our resting points

So. Fucking. Pooped. And look at cool cucumber Kris in the background.

Once you’re at the top though, it’s pretty fucking amazing. Kris got up way before Danielle and I did. Then we congregated with some other people in the shady part of the top of the cliff and rested before we trucked back down.

Looking down...

Resting at the top....

View from the top

Danielle feeding a squirrel at the top

The crazy chains

Looking down on the switchbacks

We were beat to shit after that hike and it was so hot out. We started early so thankfully the most difficult part of the hike was in the beginning when it was still cool out. As were coming down we were passing people who were just starting the hike….crazy fuckers. Danielle and I wanted to get naked and be in water.

Kris: There’s a fuckin’ river. You could nude up.

Danielle: Canoed up? Are there canoes?

We cut across a field and Danielle and I ran out to the water and took off all our clothes. It was so refreshing to sit in ice cold water after being so hot like that.

The giant white lady that could float away on her ass cheeks...and her dwarf friend.

We got ice cream at the general store on our way back. We were walking with it and just licking the scoops with our tongues. We got back to camp and Kris in his red neck voice said, “You both got ass cream on ya faces.”

Kris eatin his ice cream and pumping up our newly acquired air mattress

We were eating greek yogurt and raw honey and there was a bee all up on our honey.

Danielle: Maybe he’s taking some honey back to his queen.

Kris: Bees don’t take honey, they make honey.

Danielle: Well maybe he’s taking some already made to his queen. Maybe they crochet buckets and carry shit around. You don’t know.

Then Kris comments that the kids in the camp sound like “Horkin pigs and screechin bastards”.

I went into the tent to grab something and had to kill some ants. I exclaimed, “I’ve committed a murder in here.”

Danielle: Did Kris ever get his blood work back?

Katie: What? Yogurt?

Danielle: Huh? Yogurt? No, blood work.

We were all just dead tired and laying around the camp site. It was rocky on the ground so Danielle and I were laying across the picnic table benches. Kris wanted to lay too so I moved to the top of the picnic table. Danielle said, “Sometimes I think about walking.” I lifted my head up to look at her. She laughed and said I had chip crumbs all smashed to my face. It was time to leave the camp site. We wandered down to the water and it was much better being lazy around there.

Kris: Did you see that chick? She was boobalicious.

Katie: What? Ebola?

Danielle: Huh? Hooters? Wait – what the hell is ebola? Did you mean e-coli?

Katie: No. I meant ebola.

Danielle: Well I’ve never heard of it.

Kris: I said ‘boobalicious’. And ebola is a virus.

Danielle: Ebola…..Who does it?

Kris: What do you mean ‘Who does it?’ It’s a fuckin virus. It eats your skin.

Later Danielle had an epiphany: “Long ago people used to think that weather was because they did something wrong. Like it was the universe showing them. So that’s why kids and animals are afraid of thunder. Because it sounds like God is gonna beat the shit outta you. “

Then the moon came out and it was super bright. Danielle and I were in shallow water with amazing feeling sand that we rubbed all over ourselves. We had a deep conversation about where sand comes from.

Playing with settings trying to get pictures of the moon

Kris and I discovered that if we don’t connect every day (sex, a meditation, a really good cuddle session) that everything goes to shit. This was a really important lesson, yet so simple. Most of the time it happens naturally, but it is so worth making the time for.