The Day I Pooped at the Float Spa

The Trash Can Dump Story:

I had recently moved into an amazing house where I had two hot male roommates. A couple of weeks after I moved in I went out on a Saturday night, drank way too much, ate crap fast food, and woke up at 6 0’clock Sunday morning almost pooping the bed. I ran to the bathroom and one of the hot roommates had the whole bathroom torn up and was retiling the shower. Fuckcrapmotherfuck. Obviously he would’ve happily vacated for me to poop, but there was just no way I could do that. Because I knew it was going to be a dagnasty poop and it’s not like the smell would instantly dissipate. And then the hot guy would know I pooped. So just, no. I went back to my room and came to the only logical conclusion: poop in my tiny trash can and go back to sleep. I woke up a few hours later and now had to dispose of this mess. I bagged it up, made a run out the front door to my car, tore up to Safeway and chucked it in the big dumpster out back.

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The Cascading Shit Story

This story starts with me on my back with my legs over my head so that my ass was hanging over the edge of the arm of the couch. My hot boyfriend and I began having some righteous ass sex. At one point he pulled his penis out to change positions and a stream of poo started cascading out of my ass and down the side of the couch into a puddle on the beige carpet.

I did not know this was happening. I had my legs over my head and was staring at the ceiling waiting for instruction. I didn’t know what was going on.

Finally he said, “Get up and go STRAIT to the bathroom and take a shower.”

Ok. I didn’t ask questions. I just went. I wasn’t too messy personally, there was a tiny bit of poo on me, but for the most part it had just shot strait down the couch. I walked back out to see my boyfriend scrubbing the poop pile out of the carpet.

I sort of timidly asked, “What now?” He said, “You’ve got two other working holes – where do you want it?”

Afterwards I asked him how he kept going and how the poop didn’t bother him. He said, “When you play with fire, you’re bound to get burned now and then. You just clean up and fuck on.”

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I Pooped Myself at my Own Party

It’was the eve of my 22nd birthday…..it was a dark and drunken night…….Do you guys remember Graham’s Central Station? Well, that’s where I wanted to go and I gathered a group of friends to go with me. They had one hour where all drinks were 25 cents. This didn’t turn out well for me. I had $2.25 worth of drinks in that one hour. I was dancing. I cleared myself an area on the dance floor because I was hitting people while I was pretending to swim. I got up in a cage and was squatting down fast and then popping back up fast, each time my skirt flying up and displaying my underwear. Eventually we were asked to leave because of me. I didn’t know that at the time because I was too out of it. I was just taken by the hand and told that the party was moving back to my house. Once I was back home I was placed on the couch and started drooling on myself. I ran to the bathroom and immediately was fucked because I had to poop and vomit and wasn’t sure which end to put on the toilet.

Meanwhile, all of my friends are sitting right outside of that tiny downstairs half bathroom on my living room couches politely chatting.

I put my ass end on the toilet and immediately started shitting whilst also vomiting into a trash can in between my legs. I reached behind me to flush to try to get rid of the vomit stink and I kept flushing and flushing, commenting that the water and the breeze felt so good on my vagina, but also very confused that my vomit never went away (not realizing I had been vomiting into a trash can and not into the toilet).

I started whining for my then-husband to “make it stoooooopppppppp! pleeeeease, make it stop!” He was fielding my requests while also trying to be a polite host.

Eventually everyone left seeing that the situation was clearly continuing south. I tried to crawl out of the bathroom and ended up passed out face down half way in the bathroom and half way out with my skirt flipped up and sprinkles of diarrhea all over my butt cheeks. My darling husband wiped my ass, threw my skirt in the trash and helped me upstairs to bed.

I woke up the next morning still drunk and used this as a shining example to teach my teenage sister not to ever drink. I fished my skirt out of the trash, washed it, and tried to regain my dignity.

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The Day I Pooped at the Float Spa

In case you’ve never been, a float spa is comprised of a few individual rooms each containing a pod filled with salt water, and a shower stall. I entered the pod for my float and when my 60 minutes were up I crawled out of the pod, stood up, and immediately felt my poop trying to pop out. I knew I couldn’t make it down the hall to the bathroom because every time I moved an inch the poop moved closer to being outside of my body. There was a tiny trash can with a plastic liner in it so I squatted on the floor and pooped in the bag. I showered and then part way through my shower had the insane urge to shit again. I had tied a knot in the plastic bag because the smell was so intense so I had to open it back up, face the stink, and add more poop to the bag. Poop smells really gross out in the open air versus sitting in toilet water. Besides my clothes, all I had with me was a tiny towel and the bag of poop was see through and totally disgusting. Somehow I mostly hid the bag of poop with the towel and ran to the bathroom hoping not to run into anyone on the way. I chucked the poo bag in the big trash can in there and got the hell out.

 

 

 

What Girls Think About While A Guy is Going Down on Them. (or maybe it’s just me)

Ooooo, oh yeah. I like that. He’s licking my inner thigh. I wonder if it’s because it mentioned that in the “Top 15 tips for eating pussy” article earlier. Hmmmm….ass licking isn’t my favorite thing but I don’t not like it. I’m neutral to it so I don’t mind him doing it because I know he really likes it. Man, my taint is so thick. What an amazing muscle. I can’t imagine ripping that in child birth. Oh my god, birth. No. Don’t start thinking about birth right now. Wait. He just licked my asshole and now he’s licking my pussy. Can I get a UTI that way? Isn’t that how girls get UTI’s? From putting stuff that was in their butt directly into their pussy without washing it and the poo particles and all of that? Well, my ass was clean because I just showered. Oh, crap. I didn’t set a timer for those beans in the oven. They’re probably ok. I doubt it’s been 90 minutes. I wonder if I have the stuff to make the salad dressing. Oh, yeah. I like fingers inside of my pussy. I wonder if he put in one finger or two. Is it weird that I can’t tell? Should I be able to tell? I wonder if that means my vagina is loose because I can’t tell. Either way it feels good so that’s all that matters. I wonder what kind of sex we’re going to have after this. I kinda wanna get on top but I also wanna be pounded too. I wonder if my milk is defrosted so I can make my banana horchata. I really want to watch Sherlock. Why do I keep thinking about that show? I want a cold nectarine in my mouth right after this. I wonder if he has a boner right now. I wonder what he thinks about while he’s going down on me?

(by the way, shortly after I slipped into orgasmic bliss and wasn’t thinking about anything, but it definitely takes me a minute initially to wind down and my thoughts definitely are going a mile a minute for the first couple of minutes.)

He’s just lookin for some deer pussy

Day 23 Monday, September 30th Copenhagen

Today I had a fucking near death experience coming face to face with a horny male deer. I had read about this park in Denmark that is fantastic for deer watching – particularly from mid September to the 1st week of October. How perfect is that? So, we thought a lovely start to our day would be to check out this fucking park, obviously having no idea that it would be a death trap.

It started out as a beautiful woodsy park. We saw a cute little deer off in the distance eating grass. Another deer by the path just hanging out. It was amazing to see so many deer up close like that! I have never seen anything like it.

And then – the roar. OHMYGOD the roar of a horny deer will haunt my dreams forever. We’re just walking along, like a couple of dopey tourists, taking pictures of the cute ass deer when out of nowhere this HUGEASS deer with the most gigantic horns I’ve ever seen in my life starts roaring and running around. Running towards the female deers, sure. But also running across our walking path and totally making eye contact with the humans. I was just not having it. My boyfriend went closer than I did. Plus, he just wanted to get to the restaurant, which was farther into the park. But this involved crossing the path of the horny deer. No fucking way. I took this video (http://youtu.be/lKERsYJPLPs) which doesn’t even come close to capturing the roaring.

Kris kept trying to get me to calm down saying things like:
He’s just trying to ascertain humans from deers
He’s just lookin for some deer pussy
He just wants to drop some seed

None of that worked.

Eventually the bull deer ran off deep into the park and hopefully got laid and calmed the fuck down. At the other end of the park we came to this really beautiful old amusement park. It was closed for the season, but was totally open so you could walk through it. It was a little eerie walking through a totally lifeless amusement park like that. But it was really cool.

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Later on Kris commented about the dog shit situation. Denmark is super clean and orderly, but there is dog shit everywhere. Strange. We passed a little girl on the street and I said, “Oh my god she’s so cute!” Kris said, “Yeah. She was Danish as fuck.”

Later on we were arguing and it prompted him to say, “I’m going to take a shit on your face while you’re sleeping.”

I was rambling on and on about something and I said, “Do you sometimes wish I had an off switch?” He said, “No! Of course not.” Then a few minutes later he said, “Well, if you had an off switch – I’d turn you off and fuck you in your ass.”

We had dinner back at the house with Klaus and his 5 roommates. They are all in their super early 20s and live in this big stylish house that’s decorated really nice and has great furniture and is very clean and orderly. They all take turns cooking and share meals every night and live in such harmony together. You would just never see a group of 20 something guys living like that in the U.S.