Pissing In strange places

As I sit here, about to head home after 6 weeks away, I’m reflecting on two common themes from this trip: pissing in weird places and sleeping in weird places.

I have pissed:
-in a hotel room sink in Vernazza
-in Tupperware in London
-In a cashew jar in London
-on the lawn of a fancy hotel, Guerilla style, in Milan
-in a drinking glass that I periodically dumped into the grass outside my sleeping quarters in London
-in a home made tin foil funnel feeding into a kombucha bottle in the back of a four runner in a train station parking lot (attempted, but failed)

I have slept:
-on a futon in Brooklyn
-on a bed in Manchester
-on a boat floating on the Thames river
-on a sectional couch in Greenwich
-in a loft bed in Rome
-in a 300 year old stone wall apartment in Tuscany
-on a foam pad in Copenhagen
-a futon identical to mine in Germany
-in a “tool shed” in London
-on a sofa bed nest in new haven

We have experienced such amazing things on this trip, the most important and memorable being all of the relationships we formed, and the open arm welcomes we got everywhere we stayed. It was very humbling. The kindness we received is unforgettable.

Huge thanks to all of the people who made this trip possible – it was a group effort!

-Todd, for taking us to the airport
-Matt, for letting us crash at his apartment in NYC
-James, for giving us his bed and showing us the best time ever in Manchester
-Sally, for letting us couch surf in London
-Alexandra and Paolo, for taking us in like family in Tuscany
-Klaus and Viktor for showing us around Copenhagen and housing us
-Our beautiful German friends for pampering us in Wettenburg
-Sarah, for giving us her bed in Stockholm, sharing her box of wine, and giving us her bus pass
-Melissa, for the nest, the great company, and the naughty professor Tumblr page
-Prikryl, for driving us to Boston, for finding Twisted Fork, for the book, and for being all around the most delightful, genuine person ever.
-Marissa and Anthony for taking us in on our last night!
-roomies for taking care of the birdies
-Denise, for taking us home from the airport
-Stacie, for picking up and starting a placenta for me!

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Stop playing with your fucking unibrow. You look like an asshole.

Day 33 Thursday October 10 (and the following week)

Today we flew from Dublin to New York, took a train to Grand Central Station, had dinner in NYC at our favorite buffet and took a train to New Haven to stay with a friend, Melissa, we had never actually met in person. And that was the beginning of a most unexpectedly delightful week. Melissa and I “met” when I rented her apartment in Brooklyn for a vacation in 2005. Some years later we ended up Facebook friends and then I got the urge to stop in new haven on our way back to Arizona. She was totally down with that, so here we are!

Melissa has a super cute renovated house in New Haven. She made up her sofa bed with shit tons of pillows and blankets so we slept in this great nest all week. And the whole week was just – coffee, breakfast and conversation in the morning, relaxing days, and cooking + wine + more conversation at dinner and late into the night.

To top it all off, our fantastic friend Sarah is temporarily living in New Haven and we got to spend all kinds of time with her.

Highlights of New Haven:

-a day trip to New York City
-Cinnamon roll french toast at the pantry
-The garlic festival
-Sarah giving me a copy of The Holographic Universe
-Walking around the Yale campus
-pizza at Frank Pepes
-Harold the dog
-galavanting around Boston with Sarah
-Leaning against Paul Reveres house talking about catheters and dick cheese
-Brunching in Worcester talking about low hanging ballsacks dipped in poop.

While siting at Frank Pepes I asked Kris to go find out where the bathroom was because I hate aimlessly wandering looking for the toilet. He said, “Why? Why? Why? But why? You’re a grown ass woman.”

I burped at lunch and Kris said, “That was HIGHLY inappropriate. Those people looked over at you.”

Katie: why did you have to grab, like, my one white t shirt to use as a cum rag? I have a shit ton of black ones. You need to wash this skank cum shirt right away.
Kris: It’s not as skank as the dirty ass underwear.
Katie: You mean your pair of underwear that I’ve been wearing for two days?
Kris: No. I mean my underwear that I have t changed since we arrived in Connecticut.

“Stop playing with your fucking unibrow. You look like an asshole.”

Katie: (sings Whitney Houston)
Kris: Oh my god. Stop singing that song. Stop. Just stop it.
Katie: If you keep me talking I won’t sing. Talk to me. Ask me anything, anything at all.

Looking at a Tumblr porn page:
Katie: That’s a nice dick.
Kris: that’s a big fucking circumcised piece of shit. That’s not a nice dick. At all.

Katie: You skip around a lot when you’re walking.
Kris: I just like to stay on my toes.
Katie: I’m gonna call you skipper.
Kris: great. Call me skipper. Skipper Cheese Dick.

Sarah’s “I didn’t realize a Carmel Apple latte had coffee in it” face

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Brunch at The Pantry

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Street theater in new haven

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Pizza at frank pepes

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Autumn in Connecticut

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Breakfast in London, Dinner in Dublin

Day 32 Wednesday October 9th London & Dublin

This morning we walked through Greenwich Park and had lunch at a lovely french cafe before flying to Dublin:

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Our airbnb hosts in Dublin were fantastic- they are super into natural health and healing and we had a lot to talk about.

That night we had dinner at a totally classic Dublin pub. It was dark lit by candles and fireplaces, there was a beautiful wood bar, big chandeliers, it was way cool. The food was fantastic: Guinness pie and seafood chowder. And Kris had a house brewed beer:

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My boo can’t go out without a smooth ballsack

Day 31 Tuesday October 8th London

Today I felt good enough to get off the couch which I did because I wasn’t about to spend another day in London inside the house.

We walked to the other side of Greenwich Park and had breakfast at this super cute place called The Green Cafe. I had the best bowl of porridge I’ve ever had in my life.

Then we went home so that Kris could trim his ballsack and generally groom himself.

Once the smooth sack was attained we hopped on a bus and went into central London. We wandered around for a while and then went down this teeny tiny street and then turned down this alley way where a really cute looking pub was. I had another super tasty meal. It was a Yorkshire pudding filled with grilled veggies and cheese topped with bernaise sauce.

After dinner we walked along the Thames all the way up to Westminster Abbey and took some really fun picutres along the way:

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(Greenwich Park)

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(London Eye)

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(Westminster Abbey & Big Ben)

We decided to take a boat back home instead of the bus and that was really awesome!

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(Tower Bridge, as seen from the boat ride)

I Pissed in Their Drinking Glass

Day 29 & 30 Sunday & Monday, October 6th & 7th London

This morning we left the weird hostel place ASAP. It totally smelled like piss right outside our “cabin” door because we had been peeing in a drinking glass and dumping it in the grass outside our door all night long. Ha! There was no fucking way we were going to put on clothes, trek out into the cold across the backyard and tip toe into the house to use their tiny gross bathroom every time we had to piss.

We headed to Bill’s – the host we had stayed at in London at the beginning of our trip. I was feeling a little under the weather, but not wanting to admit it.

We dropped our things at Bill’s, had lunch and got ourselves settled.

Then we decided to see a movie, since I wasn’t feeling so great, but we still wanted to get out and do something. I’m so glad we did!

The walk to the movie theater was just gorgeous – basically all through Greenwich Park, which popped us out into an area that we hadn’t yet explored. The movie theater was an independent “picture house” so it was super cute. And the chairs were like giant recliners – way more comfortable than regular movie seats. We saw “Rush” and I actually really liked it!

Afterwards we walked around downtown Greenwich and it is just a classic cute little London neighborhood. It’s also right along the water. We ended up eatign dinner at Bryon Proper Hamburger. I had a portobello muchroom burger and it was one of the best thigns I have ever put in my mouth. I love how, no matter where you go to eat, if you order tea – it is served properly. Even at a burger joint. Tea cup, saucer, lovely tea pot, etc.

Bill actually had airbnb guests that night, but was nice enough to let us “couch surf” on his comfy sectional sofa in the living room

Day 30

Ugh. Today I woke up and was so sick I couldn’t get off the couch. My boyfriend took care of me all day. We stayed inside the house all day and I drank tea and soup and slept and that all I could manage. Bleh.

Exploring Frankfurt!

Day 27 Friday October 4 Germany

Today we had a lazy morning – the kids were in school, but the adults had the day off work. That was fun!

In the afternoon the girls went to a baby sitter and we all went into Frankfurt and walked around. We got ice cream, window shopped, and ended up at this fantastic Greek restaurant.

And we took tons of pictures:

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I’m going to shit on your face while you sleep

Day 26 Thursday, October 3rd Germany

Our timing in Germany couldn’t have been been more perfect as we were there over a 4 day holiday weekend so our hosts were free to just play around with us.

This morning we came downtstairs to another beautifully set table and yummy breakfast with the family.

Afterwards we headed to Marburg – a super duper old traditional looking German village. It was one of the coolest thing ever. It didn’t even look real.

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We said some pretty offensive things to each other as we were walking around:

Kris: I’m gonna wait til your sleeping and then piss up your nose.
Katie: I’m going to eat your balls for dinner. Or mayb I’m going to rip off your testicles, reeze them, and use them as ice cubes. Or maybe I’ll make an eye patch out of them.
Kris: Oh yeah? Well I’m going to shit on your face while you sleep.

We ate lunch at this super delicious tapas restaurant with the cutest table settings:

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And the funnieest signs for the bathrooms:

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We continued walking through town, wihich lead you waaaaaay uphill to this beautiful church at the top:

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As were walking back down we saw some funny German penis chalk drawings:

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We stopped at their friends house at one point and they had restored the most amazing home and had a large garden:

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That night we stayed up again after the girls went to bed. The guys were talking cars and looking up how to import into the U.S. The girls were talking birth, hobbies and motherhood. This woman was one of the sweetest mothers ever. She was saying how dad loves putting the kids to bed and even doesn’t mind when one of the girls comes into their bed at night, but she doesn’t like it. I said, “Well….maybe it’s because he’s at work all day and doesn’t see them, so that time is special to him in a way that’s not for you because you’re with them all day every day so by the time they go to bed you’re touched out and need your own space.” She was like, “Oh. Yeah. Yes. Exactly.” I think it’s funny how just understanding someone else’s perspective can go such a long way in your perception of their actions.

She said that she gave birth in a hospital, but in German hospitals it’s almost always with a midwife. You never see a doctor unless you’d need to. And they didn’t push any interventions on her or have plans to induce her or anything like that. Dad remembers looking at her placenta and taking pictures of it and everything. And of course, Kris’ penis came up and they can’t believe that people circumcise in America. They were so fun to talk to. Just real, genuine, warm, loving people.