Okay, so I started to think (and was then going to write) something like “Aside from our eye color, hair color, body type, or other cemented physical aspects – everything else is a choice.”
But then I realize holy shit actually – all of those things can be changed.
Your eye color wasn’t your choice, but you can wear colored contacts.
Your hair color wasn’t your choice, but you can dye it.
Your body type wasn’t chosen, per se, but you can do quite a bit to change its shape.
Then I was thinking okay, well what’s deeper than that? The shit on the inside, your guts, your cells, your DNA. That can’t be changed.
BUT IT CAN.
So now I’m blowing my own mind by realizing that nothing is permanent. Nothing is a guarantee. Nothing is set in stone.
EVEN OUR GENES. We inherit these genes from our parents, who inherited their shit from their parents and so on since the beginning of time.
But the genes we inherit – we play a huge part in how they express based on our lifestyle, our environment, our food choices, our stress levels. Gene expression is not determined solely by hereditary factors.
Which is amazing, right – but also can feel like a big responsibility.
I’m over here like – hey! Can’t everything be automated?
I wish my body was more robotic – like a little beep would go off saying, “need more magnesium”…..”hey, you’re dehydrated”…..”an orgasm is due”…..
And then I think of breathing and pooping and hearts beating. All of the major systems in the body that are obviously automated.
But even those could stop in an instant.
Everything is temporary.
I keep telling myself that now because it’s especially hard when you’re sort of in a funk.
When things are going great you don’t even entertain the fact that it’s temporary.
But when things are less than ideal, it’s all you can think about: this is temporary, it’s temporary right? when is this going to shift? I thought this shit was temporary. Temporary is a relative term, so how the fuck long is it?
It’s a constant self pep talk.
But really, it is.
I’m used to shaking things up each summer by peace-ing out and traveling, which made things seem even more temporary. Whatever it was, it couldn’t build that much because I’d be shifting it come summer time no matter what. Travel in and of itself will shift things. It’s my highest recommendation is someone is depressed or stuck: go somewhere new.
Because you can’t be crabby, complaining you in a new place. You have to talk to people, you have to ask directions, your routine is non existent, you don’t know where anything is or what exactly is next.
And because of that, things will shift.
This summer I am not traveling, I am staying put.
And that feels rill fuckin strange. It’s new though, at least.
It’s starting to make sense to me why, but I’m still a little resistant to it, less so each day though.
In thinking of what I’d do if there was nothing to do, nowhere to go, no one to be – I think of long term traveling. Landing somewhere new for a month or more, not knowing anyone, not having too much of a plan. And just seeing what you do.
What time do you wake up?
When do you eat?
When do you sleep?
How do you spend your time?
And it turns out – the wants and needs of a human aren’t that complicated.
Milk hot, but not burnt
Croissant crusty, but not stale
Interesting hydration options
Stretchy cotton clothes
Bodies of water
A form of self expression
I used to work a full time job and only experience my true self when I was on vacation.
Until I realized what bullshit that was and that I didn’t want a life I needed a vacation from.
Because what I wanted on vacation wasn’t that fucking complicated.
There was no reason I couldn’t shift my “real life” to accommodate more joy. Mostly joy, for fucks sake.
That, and luxury.
The definition of luxury is, “Enjoyment of comforts and pleasures in addition to those necessary for a reasonable standard of well-being”
I think we can all say hell to the yeah to more of those things because why the fuck else are we here?
Cami – What a great journey down into you, as you say your belief and then go “that’s not right” and keep looking. Was so great. I was in Hawaii with my mom last week and she said to me, “I used to cry when I had to come back from vacation. What’s it like for you?” I said, “I wanna go see what my clients are doing. I wanna see my dog and my friends. I wanna finish what I started in my business a month ago.” What a revelation to see how much I love my life and particularly my work – that thing that most people just do to get to Friday. Joy. And luxury.. Love this definition. B/c it’s enjoyment – not just having things, but the way we relate to what we have.
Jena Schwartz “It’s my highest recommendation is someone is depressed or stuck: go somewhere new.” WORD. I am tucking this gem away for future emergency use, along with all the ways your writing provokes me to WAKE UP.
Katie DiBenedetto I have to remind myself! Ha. Even if its just like – go to a different fucking coffee shop today. Do something different if you want something different to happen. And you know, that’s on a spectrum.
Daniel – I like your exploration of things AS you write….this is a dialogue with yourself finding your way forward….a special style…and joy and freedom are what people want…of course….it needs to be told!
Denise – I love your post. So powerfully empowering. You truly explore your own thoughts and feelings and connections within and around, trying to make sense of this crazy ever changing world. Temporary – was the word that stuck out. Our thoughts change, our bodies change, the world changes……yet many struggles come from wanting things to stay a certain way or be a certain way. Going with that flow or against the flow, but flowing….
Katie DiBenedetto Riiiiight? In the struggle to maintain the “certain way”, we miss sooooo much that is happening in the present.