You know what is fucking absurd?

You know what is fucking absurd? People taking everything so goddamn seriously.
Like, SERIOUSLY. Come the fuck on.
You can just take what works for you, and put the rest of the shit in a hefty bag and throw it in the garbage. Literally or metaphorically.

Case in point.

I went and saw a psychic yesterday, along with two of my girlfriends. I was not nervous at all to see this psychic man. It didn’t even occur to me to be nervous. But my two girlfriends were shittin their pants nervous. They were afraid of all the things the psychic was going to tell them to stop doing, or tell them was coming. Basically: they knew a bunch of shit in their life was fucked up and that they are currently operating out of fear with most things and that there’s lots of shit they need to change.

So they weren’t scared of “the psychic”. They were scared of being faced with themselves. They were scared because a psychic is generally someone you can’t bullshit or make excuses with. They’re detached from your situation, operating on a different plane, and are just there to tell you what the fuck is up, if you ask them.

That is why I was not scared of this psychic man. Plus, he had a British accent. He could’ve said he was going to murder me and I would’ve been like, “Oh you’re so fucking darling – when do you want to make this happen?”

First of all: my love relationship is fucking blissful. So there was no impending doom there. My “professional” life is a series of elaborate guessing games so I was totally open to what he had to say there. Either yes: you’re on the right track. Or: What the fuck are you doing, change course. Either would’ve been fine, and not surprising.

The first thing this psychic man said to me was, “Do you have any questions?”

I was like a deer in the headlights. Oh, shit. No. I did not prepare any questions. I’d never had a psychic reading before so I wasn’t quite sure what to do or how it would go. He turned me palms face up and touched his left index finger to my right index finger – like this is how he plugged in to me or something.

He asked my birthday, did some fast as fuck math in his head and with his pen and paper, and said that I am great organizer. He also stated that I am very intuitive and I need to pay attention to and honor my antennae and my senses about things.

Next, he asked for Kris’ birthday. And for half a second I was like, “Shit man. What if he says we’re fucked? Or cosmically doomed? Or not supposed to be together?” My initial thought was that I’d just take it with a grain of salt.

Nobody is perfect, not even this psychic man. And if I was just some sheep following what everyone told her to do and taking everyone elses truths as her own….well I’d be a boring as fuck doormat of a woman, wouldn’t I?

Anyway.

I didn’t have time to test that instinct, because fast math psychic man looked at Kris’ birthday and said, “Oh, yes, excellent. He is a caring man and I see a great future here.”

WHAT A FUCKING LOAD OFF.

He looked me sort of awkwardly right in the eyes (I say awkwardly because he had a lazy eye so I was like – where do I look? I don’t want to be rude and like NOT look into his lazy eye. Can he see out of his lazy eye? Is his peripheral vision completely amazing?) and said, “Do you have any questions about this?”

I said No and got the sense that this was sort of new for him. That probably most women come in there and that’s all they want to fucking talk about.

He went on to say that I would experience a great loss at the age of 35 and he felt as if it were a brother. I said I had a brother, but hadn’t seen him in ten years as he is severely mentally ill, much like my mother. Afterwards I thought, shoot – do I message me estranged brother and be like, “Hey bro. I saw a psychic today. I know that sounds, you know, whatever – woo woo and shit. But he said I’d experience a great loss in a few years and he felt it was a brother. So I’m just letting you know.”

Because my instinct is that my brother will either commit suicide or otherwise be found dead in some tragic way like a drug overdose. As horrible as that sounds, the other side of it is that there’s nothing I can do about it. You know? I can’t guard my brother or be a safehouse for him from his own mind. It just doesn’t work like that.

Then this British psychic man said that I was intuitive, as he’d already stated, and that I was definitely a healer and a teacher. He asked me what I did for work now, if it involved teaching people and I said yes: I had an online course. As well as a blog and podcast, which teaches people things in smaller chunks.

He said I was on the right path with this and he saw it getting bigger – retreats, getaways, high profile events and such.

Which was music to my fucking ears because I think about this stuff – futuristic stuff – and sometimes discussing it with my small minded friends is so depressing. They’re like, “Oh yeah – why don’t you set up a booth at the farmer’s market? Or go to the local natural healing college and lecture?”

And I’m like, bitch please. I am thinking waaaaaaaay bigger than that. My target market is not my home fucking town, you know? It’s the whole fucking world. And my ideal working scenario certainly ain’t trying to hand out change-your-life pamphlets at some goddamn farmer’s market. Those people are just there to buy fancy ass pickles.

I was glad this psychic man had the bigger vision with me.

He said my success would come two fold, like – in two spikes. And would be further sweetened by an inheritance we’d receive via Kris’ side of the family.

“A baby girl is floating around you. If you do not want a daughter and you do not want to be a mother – you better be careful!”

Which is fucking HILARIOUS because I don’t want kids, neither does Kris and he all of the sudden has become super obsessed with getting a vasectomy. I mean I’m like yeah, great get a vasectomy that sounds fucking awesome. But also – we’ve been fucking for 6 years, so it’s not like super pressing to me. We’ve obviously managed this long and I’m used to having to think about pregnancy prevention all the time. But he’s got an appointment Monday morning to get this show on the road. From somewhere deep inside he just had to do it as soon as possible. That totally makes sense now.

To make this even more interesting, I had a BodyTalk session this morning (the morning after the psychic reading) and guess what came up in my session? The concept of my reproductive system taking a collective sigh of relief, marking the end of an era, and shifting all of that energy into creation of other kinds.

I finally asked the psychic man a question. I asked, “Hey man. Do I have to have a kid? Like – what is the deal with everyone’s obsession with this?”
And he said, “Of course you don’t have to. Having a child is simply one form of expansion. But there are many others. And none of them are right or wrong. Only you know.”

Such a great reminder that we already have the answers. Life can look so many different ways. And only we know our own truth, if we’ve brave enough to look.

Joell – I am sending you a big hug and kiss from North Lima, Ohio where it is snowing. Snowing! Yesterday it was 74. No fucking kidding. Thank you for the twenty minutes. Someday you’ll have to spoil me and go for a whole hour. I shit you not. I need to live…

Katie DiBenedetto I love what sticks out for you, Joell. Your reflections are such a gift!! And we need to hang out in real life. I can see this happening.

Jena Schwartz – Only you know. WORD. What Joell said. Seriously — all of it. The fear of facing ourselves, the desire for someone else to tell us what we really already know, the lazy eye, the British accent, the whole world as your target market, your brother and how you can’t save him. I see big things in your future, lol — because you see big things in your future. Writing longer suits you :).

Daniel – well, first of all, Katie, my friend, you are a wonderful story teller and very very attracting of positive energy—-i think because you put your whole self out there—–this is wonderful—–i think you gave this psychic man an easy task: he could just talk to you about yourself, instead of having to do some mumbo jumbo reading of you or whatever……i enjoyed the heck out of reading this…….you are a natural writer, i think and that’s pretty cool, don’t you?…..somehow you are bringing out the old L.A. guy out of me…..that’s where i grew up and after many many (probably too damn many) years in the east, i miss the easy going west……the let’s just let it all hang out and go with it west……so i thank you for that…..it’s like you’ve given me a reading and i appreciate that big time……so so so glad you’re here to write with, my friend Katie!

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