“Sometimes there is a right answer–right for you. It might be unpopular. It might leave you standing all by yourself, a march of one on an empty street, far, far away from the parade, from popular or conventional wisdom.”
I believe there’s always a right answer for you. It’s what makes you feel good. But for most of us – that’s not enough. The feeling is not enough. We have to be able to explain it and justify it. Couple that with the fact that we’re all so afraid to rock the boat or hurt anyone’s feelings and you get a whole society of people that afraid to move. Paralyzed by fear. Drowning in their perceived emotional responsibility for others.
And why is it that standing all by ourselves is so scary. Why are we so afraid to be alone. Why do most of us suck at being alone. Why is not a priority to get to a point where you’re comfortable alone?
How you feel when you’re alone is your baseline. If you are good with yourself and enjoy your own company and are a whole person all on your own – then your baseline is healthy. And you have that barometer of, “Oh hey I’d actually rather be alone than hang out with you or go to that party or do this or do that”. And that’s your guidepost for life. But if you have low self worth and are uncomfortable alone and don’t enjoy your own company, then everything and everyone is better than being alone.
And why is fear so paralyzing? Because change is overwhelming. Because if something is going to change, like breaking up with your boyfriend, you could think of a million things that you’d immediately have to deal with. Oh shit, I’d have to unscrew the flat screen T.V. from the wall and then patch the holes and we share a car so which one of us gets it and we’re both on the lease so which one of us stays and I’d have to change the autopay on my electric bill because it’s his debit card and and and.
Why does making changes or taking leaps freak us out? Because the possibilities that you’re imagining and the scenarios you are playing out are endless. And it’s that big fuckin’ free for all that most of us avoid in exchange for comfort.
So we just stay put.