On empty space and clutter.

It seems most people are afraid of empty space. It makes them uncomfortable. If they have free time they feel like they should be doing something. If every moment of the day isn’t filled with something then we’re left to face the moments alone – with our thoughts, with how we really feel once our mind has a chance to settle.

I like empty space. I like alone time. Sometimes I sprawl out on my yoga mat and just let my mind wander. Take a bath in the middle of the day for no other reason then to have to sit in the water and think, imagine, fantasize.

I’m a big believer in the metaphor of making space. If you’re in a bad relationship – sure, the thought of being alone seems worse. But what about not having any space for a good relationship to come in. If your friends are lame and complaining and not raising you up but you spend time with them because it’s just what you’ve always done….where’s the space for new friends to come in? If all of your energy is spent at a job you hate, where’s the space to work on anything fulfilling?

Currently in my life I like things set up so I have maximum flexibility. That way if an opportunity comes up, I’m free to jump on it. For example, last year a friend of mine posted this photo on Facebook of herself three days postpartum and it quickly started to “go viral”. It inspired me to create a space for women to share their own postpartum stories and photos, but I knew I had to act quick to get the website up while the energy was still high. And I did. I worked like a crazy person for 12 hours strait and built a beautiful website, which I launched and I received 200 stories in the first month it was live. Because I had the space. The space to jump on an opportunity.

I’ve never been one to thrive in clutter. My home is my sanctuary and it is a reflection of mind. If there are bags of shit crammed in corners and I don’t know where I put the super glue and where the fuck is that bill that was due – that reflects my cluttered mind and then my creativity goes to pot. It seems like a simple act – getting rid of old junk, organizing, cleaning. So simple that it’s like – yeah, right. This is going to help me feel less anxious? What does cleaning my house have to do with finishing all the things I’ve started that have stalled? It just does. Try it.

One thing I’ve been really noticing lately is how much space in life is taken up by being who you think they want you to be, saying what you think they want you to say, holding back because of how they might react. And where is the real you in all of that speculation? Living in a constant state of assumption, fearing things that aren’t even true.

I don’t like to let things build, in general. Clutter, feelings, hurt feelings, ideas, questions, observations. It allows me to live in the moment. Because if I’m pissed about something – I’m really just pissed about that actual something. I’m not yelling at him about a dirty dish in the sink when really I’m yelling at him about those 19 things he did/said that I didn’t mention at the time. I’m in a constant state of self reflection and always seeking a deeper understanding of all the things. A side effect of this is it acts as a natural filter for anything that’s not authentic. You can’t hide from me. I can’t hide from me. Everything just is.

Jena: By the time I reached this magnificent crescendo, I was already so swept away by the byproducts of exactly these qualities: “I’m in a constant state of self reflection and always seeking a deeper understanding of all the things. A side effect of this is it acts as a natural filter for anything that’s not authentic. You can’t hide from me. I can’t hide from me. Everything just is.” From the metaphor to the act of making room — be it in your home or in your mind — and the palpable presence of BEING this results in. This is a ride I’d like to ride a while. Or forever.

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