Bad Ass Tunnels & Life Story Telling: Day 1 (Friday August 12th)

7:00am Alarm goes off. It’s too early. I didn’t sleep well last night – too excited.

7:30am Breakfast. Coffee. IPOD playlist finagling.

8:00am We discover that the dry ice we had acquired the night before has severely shrunken.  Danielle goes out for more.

9:00am Everything is in the car. There is no room for people. Somehow we make it work, leaving behind a few things for Tracy to take with her.

9:30 We have a full tank of gas, some pictures of the fucked up scene inside the car, and we’re on our way. Kris starts telling us the story of his life.

A hot man driving

11:30am We stop at a Uhaul store in hopes of regaining our sanity. A one way trailer rental is ass rape. We consider a roof top cargo bag.

12:00pm Meet my adorable sister for lunch. Bask in the sunny, yet perfectly cloudy weather as we dine on the patio with the most amazing food ever: BBQ chicken salad, fudgy brownie, peach lavender smoothie, almond butter Perfect Food bars.

Yes. I am related to this beast.

Danielle's Hole Before.....

1:00pm Back to the Uhaul store. Purchase a rooftop cargo bag and some rope.

Much better.....

1:13pm Discover that the rope isn’t good enough. Go back in for ratchet straps. These are the real deal. I like watching Kris do man stuff like muscle down ratchet straps. Danielle and I rejoice in our luxurious roomy seats in the car.

1:30pm We are on the road again. I put the giant ass lens on my new camera and practice taking pictures in sport mood. I get a few strange looks. Danielle and Kris say I look like a spy. The lens is not inconspicuous.

2:40pm Stop for gas. Kris comments that the rooftop bag is “Performing smashingly”. We are all in love with and in awe of the bag. We stop at a lookout point for a pee break.

Who you lookin at?

3pm to 6pm – We each tell our life stories. While talking about conception, The Sponge came up:

Katie: I was conceived because my mom and dad were in Prescott and they were out of The Sponge, but they decided to go ahead and have sex anyway.

Kris: I used to use The Sponge a lot. I loved it.

Danielle: What the hell is The Sponge?

Kris: The sponge is sort of like a cap that goes in and up to your cervix. It absorbed the semen….or blocked the absorption…or whatever the fuck happens up in the vagina.

6:10pm – we arrive at Zion. We go thru a cool tunnel. Kris comments: This is a bad ass tunnel. We’re winding through roads and Danielle and I are snap happy with our new cameras. Kris says – “Ooooo take a picture of that functioning Down’s kid.”

Approaching Zion

Not the bad ass tunnel, but a pretty nice tunnel

6:30pm – we get to our campsite. It’s kind of gay, but it’s right by the bathroom. The campsites are all in rows and you are right on top of each other. There is a parking spot, a smooth area for the tent, a picnic table and lots of shade. There is a couple next to us with an obnoxious baby. They also play Indian music loudly starting too early in the morning. None of us mind the music, but think the family is kind of douche on principle to assume that everyone will like their music.

8pm – Camp is set up. Watches taken off, technology put away. Dinner. Bed.


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